And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
