This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
