I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
