He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
