are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
