my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
