You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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