drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
