let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
