I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
