i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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