Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize