i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
