Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
