He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
