Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
