We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
