did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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