She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
