Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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