i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
