He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
