He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
