just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
