he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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