We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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