dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
