very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
