She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
