you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
