I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
