I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
