Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
