her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
