I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
