I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
