Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
