Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
