Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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