and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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