the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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