He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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