you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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