I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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