I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
