The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
