I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize