I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
