I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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