In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
