the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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