Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
