party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
