who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
