I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
