Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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