My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize