I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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