it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
