my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
