My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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