Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
