yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
