I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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