I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
